Our tax dollars STRANGELY at work

A delightfully creative young woman used to work in our office and she left this behind on her bulletin board. It's the painted wooden side from a box of mandarins (which, by the way, I just learned are NOT the same as tangerines).


Of course I began to wonder about the lyrics to that strange old song...and it turns out it's a lot stranger than I thought.

First of all, I found the lyrics on a government website run by the National Institutes of Health (NIH). Why on earth would the NIH (which funds all sorts of scientific research projects) care about the lyrics to "Darling Clementine"? And why would they put it in their children's section? Are there perceived health benefits to children in singing maudlin old ditties? Does it ward off tuberculosis or scarlet fever or the croup?

The answer, Gentle Readers, is that a rogue verse was added to encourage people to learn "artificial respiration" (as it was once quaintly referred to) to prevent their loved ones from following in the teeny, delicate footsteps of darling Clementine. And of course had Clementine or her boyfriend taken swimming lessons from the YMCA as THIS song admonishes, this sad tale never would have transpired.

And if you click on the little gray horizontal bar, you can hear an old, tinny, accordian-ey version of the song.

I had no idea the story was so...dark... like so many old nursery rhymes. And what sort of low-down, no-good, rat-b******* would forget his beloved Clementine as soon as he kissed her sister??? He doesn't sound so "dreadful sorry" to me!

Judge for yourselves...and if you want to brush up on your CPR techniques, this nifty website can help.

In a cavern, in a canyon,

Excavating for a mine
Dwelt a miner forty niner,
And his darling Clementine.

Oh my darling, oh my darling,
Oh my darling, Clementine!
Thou art lost and gone forever
Dreadful sorry, Clementine

Light she was and like a fairy,
And her shoes were number nine,
Herring boxes, without topses,
Sandals were for Clementine.

Oh my darling, oh my darling,
Oh my darling, Clementine!
Thou art lost and gone forever
Dreadful sorry, Clementine

Drove she ducklings to the water
Ev'ry morning just at nine,
Hit her foot against a splinter,
Fell into the foaming brine.

Oh my darling, oh my darling,
Oh my darling, Clementine!
Thou art lost and gone forever
Dreadful sorry, Clementine

Ruby lips above the water,
Blowing bubbles, soft and fine,
But, alas, I was no swimmer,
So I lost my Clementine.

Oh my darling, oh my darling,
Oh my darling, Clementine!
Thou art lost and gone forever
Dreadful sorry, Clementine

How I missed her! How I missed her,
How I missed my Clementine,
But I kissed her little sister,
I forgot my Clementine.

Oh my darling, oh my darling,
Oh my darling, Clementine!
Thou art lost and gone forever
Dreadful sorry, Clementine

Rogue Cautionary Verse:

Now you kids may learn the moral
Of this little tale of mine
Artificial respiration
Would have saved my Clementine